A Word of Warning if You've Read '50 Shades of Grey'

I don't delve into my personal life much on this blog, but today it seems necessary. On occasion I feel the need to go out to dark place and receive a good old-fashioned pedestrian flogging. These dark places are S&M clubs.

Listening to Lady Sovereign is
another intense form of masochism 

While my knowledge of this places only spans a meager three cities, I feel that there are some silly mythologies that need clearing.

After Rihanna's lazily named song 'S&M' and especially since the publication and over and almost forced popularization by the publishing houses of '50 Shades of Grey' and its sequels 'Same Story without Initial Intrigue' and 'Lazy Recycled Plot' S & M seems to be back in vogue.

Angelina Jolie helped as well

Maybe E.L.James helped a lot of people discover their inner kink

but at the same time I've heard my S&M orientated friends complaining at the number of green horns coming in and acting a fool.

Firstly, for most people, sado-masochism is not the adventures of a weekend warrior, it's an entire lifestyle complete with its own sub-culture and rules that go along with it. And no not break the rule and get 'tortured' kind, the break them and get ostracized kind.

Moreover, when you come in there's no magical registrar when you enter that asks your fetish/kink/whatever and sends you to the other side of your ampersand. It's a society, you network. So if you're not social don't bother.

The Dangers of Romanticism

When you read the Grey series it describes everything as sexy, interesting, and exciting. Once the tone is set, your brain takes over and fills in any non-described elements in the same manner, so E.L.James has created a really romanticized version of S&M culture revolving around a gorgeous protagonist and her equally fantastic cohorts. The book is an idealized and enthralling mirror that takes out the boring parts of the characters' days (as does most fiction). So don't expect you're life to turn into something novelesque because you've chosen to play around with whips.

I think the biggest disappointment that newcomers will find coming to the club or scene or whatever is the attractive levels. Movies like The Matrix trilogies, or Secretary would have their viewers believe some unfortunately false elements.

• Not everyone is young
• Not everyone is beautiful, or even in shape
• Not everyone is rich

The Matrix's Club Hel, a beatiful lie

The vast majority of people who participate in sadomasochism are just like the vast majority of people you see in every day society. The proportions of attractiveness, youth, and money are pretty much the same. 

So while a new comer might expect the dark forest to be full of sexy nymphs, vampires, and fair folk, you should know those types are few and far between. You're more likely to just find (sigh) humans or even worse trolls.

Of course there are paid dominatrices in the world (maybe even in your town) but they are a minority working for a minority. The greater majority of them have daytime jobs anyways.

Concerning money, those full leather suites may look cool and have a custom made whip or natural horse hair may seem like a good idea, but damn those things are expensive. Go online right now and look at prices or head to your nearest sex shop and take a gander. Triple digit numbers almost consistently.

Here a sight gladly willing to sell you the rope, for a meager 50 bucks. Good luck with the corsets.

What this is meant to remind you is that it's a lifestyle to be respected and you should avoid using as a tool to create a wild 'when I was young' story.

Dedicated to D.S.